| .Play. |
[02 Aug 2009|12:22am] |
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mood |
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 sad |
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music |
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Loss of Me - FF9 |
] |
Sometimes I feel like I'm losing my best friend. And that I've held on to the past for too long. I feel as if I should let all of this go, but I don't know how. Especially if I'll be leaving bruises behind.
If I rewind, I can't move forward. If I forward, I can never rewind.
And Instead of play, can't we just hit 'pause'?
Or will 'pause' keep me here forever? I guess I'll just hit 'play'.
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| Sometimes I feel like.... |
[01 Aug 2009|11:51pm] |
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mood |
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 worried |
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music |
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Macalania - FFX-2 |
] |
I don't really know what to say. I guess now I understand why a lot of people in the OMC don't talk in the actual chats. When you have nothing in common, it's hard to formulate conversations. And I mean, it's not like I don't legit try. It's just that --lately -- I find that I will talk about something for five minutes, filling up the entire chat, and not get a response back. I don't mean to sound uber-depressed or anything, it's just difficult. Sometimes I feel like maybe if I watched more TV or something, things would get better - but I don't know. I guess it's similar to how Kim or Rai felt when a lot of us would talk about Final Fantasy or something. And I'm not trying to blame anyone, cause it's no one's fault. It's just a strange disconnect that will hopefully go away.
Also, I feel as if I don't really talk to some people as much as others. We've had this term called 'family' for several years now, but I honestly don't know about a lot of your lives. When people say certain things like, "Yeah, you remember how my brother..blah blah" or "How my sister blah blah", I honestly have to pretend like I know what's going on sometimes. I don't mean to be rude, it's just that I literally have no idea what you're talking about. I think, it would be much better if we all tried to talk more. In the chat, it's collective dialogue, but I don't really know any one individual voice. I, myself, am the same way. Unless I talk to someone outside of the chat, no one really knows about my personal life. Kat does. Bunny knows a bit. But everyone else? Not so much. Again, I'm not blaming anyone. It's not exactly like I've reached out either these past couple of years, though I sincerely regret not doing so. So hey -- if anyone wants to talk to me, please feel free to let me know! I'll IM you sometime! : - )
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| Epic Win. |
[29 Jul 2009|10:00pm] |
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mood |
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 calm |
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music |
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None - by: None |
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Epic Win, is the opposite extreme to Epic Fail. An epic win may be something like "I won the lottery" or "After finding $20 on the ground, I went into a restaurant where I discovered my favorite celebrity eating. The waiter sat me right behind them, and after my meal the celebrity paid for not only their meal but mine as well" the second is a bit elaborate, but still an epic win, none-the-less. Folks, Epic win is NOT to be used lightly. Instances where epic win is inappropriate:
1. Someone giving you a piece of gum. This is a normal occurrence, so epic win as a response is over-done.
2. Finding out that someone's relative had a successfully recovery from an illness or injury. Although this is great news, shouts of 'EPIC WIN' may seem a bit offensive. 3. Well the third one is actually an instance of an epic fail turned into an epic win. For example, when Aerith died in FF7. Epic FAIL for her and her fans, but Epic WIN for the OMC, Tifa, and all of Tifa's fans. There's everyone's life lesson for the day.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Anyway, today I pretty much did absolutely nothing. I don't know how that makes me feel, but, tomorrow will be more productive. Besides, the day isn't over yet...I still have time to exercise.
--Having girl time in the chat at the moment......mainly that means the abscence of Kev, but considering he is the only guy in the OMC (after the mysterious disappearance of Charlie), I think he must feel overcrowded by women. Yet again, two of his best friends in RL are women. None-the-less, we should allot like two minutes for Kev to have 'guy time'. Yes, two minutes. No offense Kev, but any more than that might drive the rest of us to beat our heads against the wall. ; - P ; - P KEL LOVES YOU! <3<3!!
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| .Dream. |
[29 Jul 2009|12:47am] |
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mood |
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 enthralled |
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music |
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Valley of the Fallen Star - Nobuo Uematsu |
] |
Over the years, a lot of people have wondered why Kat and I have this huge obsession with Final Fantasy, and I won't say it's obvious, because it's not. Yes the storylines are amazing, and the characters are phenomenal, but really, when it comes down to it, that only plays about half the role in why we love Final Fantasy so much. We love Final Fantasy a great deal because of the music. Specifically, Nobuo Uematsu's music. I don't know how to describe it. A lot of you just don't understand what we mean when we say this. And I don't mean to come off sounding rude, but like, Final Fantasy music is more than just music to us. I won't speak the rest of the way for Kat, because I know how she feels about the subject, so I will give you my explanations. I think for me, Final Fantasy music has raised the bar for any piece of instrumental music that I've ever listened to.
It's not just the composition, but the feeling. The feeling I get from these songs is so overwhelming, it sometimes takes my breath away. It makes me cry, it makes me shake. It's like Final Fantasy music just reaches something inside of me, latches on, and knows everything about my life. That might all sound ridiculously corny, but I don't care, because it's true. It's like, my life, my dreams, everything is expressed through Final Fantasy music. I mean, God, this music has gotten me through some of the hardest times in my life (ex: Aerith's theme - which was picked for Rachey's memorial recording, was a song that Kat and I have listened to for years...and now its significance is that much greater) It's this overwhelming sense of grief, accomplishment, power, anger, happiness, bliss, all rolled into one. Some people say "I know how you feel," but I just don't know. I mean Kat gets it, she definitely does. There is so much tied to this music. If anyone actually cares about this post, I highly recommend Final Fantasy music. Specifically these songs to start with: 1. Aerith's Theme
2. To Zanarkand
3. Terra's Theme
4. Forever Rachel
5. Eyes on Me
6. You're not Alone
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| This is why I don't.... |
[29 Jul 2009|12:07am] |
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mood |
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 aggravated |
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music |
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My Fan |
] |
Deal with this kind of stuff. It gets way too tiresome after a while.
And I really don't care if I am making a big deal out of it or whatever -- I didn't sign up for this.
I thought this experience was supposed to be relaxing, but apparently not.
Though I probably should have known that it wouldn't be considering how most of it is a divided experience.
Only some things have gone right in the past however many years.
One of those things has been amazing, a true rock, something real, and something that I'll always cherish.
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| DONE WITH THESE ONLINE COURSES! |
[24 Jul 2009|09:47pm] |
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mood |
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 complacent |
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music |
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Why - Ayaka |
] |
And I say 'yay' to that. Now I get to go to karaokee tomorrow night and a wedding next week! Good times, good times. Also, I am having a problem. For the past two months or so I have gotten totally upset at my dad for minor annoyances. He's noticed, and I feel super bad, but I don't know what to do cause they keep occuring and I keep snapping. Any of the OMC have any suggestions? This is majorly sucking cause I used to be such a daddy's girl. <3Kel
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| Almost there... |
[23 Jul 2009|08:36pm] |
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mood |
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cheerful |
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music |
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Blue - Utada Hikaru |
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I am ALMOST done my two online courses. Tomorrow at midnight I am officially doneeee! Life will be sweet from then until I go back to college 25 days later...haha. Oh well. <3 to the OMC, cause I don't say it enough.
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| Namie Amuro's Best Fiction Tour - Live DVD Release 9/9/09 |
[23 Jul 2009|08:25pm] |
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[[DVD]] 
[[Blue Ray]]
Namie Amuro will be releasing her 'Best Fiction Tour 2008-2009 Live DVD' on 9/9/09. It will be released in both DVD and blue ray forms and will include 30 tracks!
Needless to say, I'm pretty excited.
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| I am... |
[18 Jul 2009|06:46pm] |
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mood |
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happy |
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music |
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Simple and Clean - Utada Hikaru |
] |
Happy for once with how my life is going. Can we capture this moment, please?
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| Is tired of... |
[27 Apr 2009|10:34am] |
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mood |
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annoyed |
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music |
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Welcome to Heartbreak - Kanye West |
] |
People thinking she's a slob...get over it......there's only a week left, and you CHOSE to room with me, not the other way around.
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| So much better.. |
[21 Apr 2009|03:24pm] |
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mood |
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cheerful |
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music |
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Holla Holla - Akon |
] |
I am feeling awesome lately... [/end of story]
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| I need to get out... |
[15 Apr 2009|02:50pm] |
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mood |
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stressed |
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music |
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A song for XX -- Ayumi Hamasaki |
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Of this dorm and away from these people.....
I'm going crazy...like..legit.
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| Today I made further progress.. |
[14 Apr 2009|04:55pm] |
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mood |
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 distressed |
] |
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music |
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New Look - Namie Amuro |
] |
I made plans with different friends from my other classes for this weekend (so in other words, I am not hanging out with my four main friends this weekend)...I mean Im not trying to deter myself from those friendships, but I definitely need a break from them. There is WAY too much drama going on lately with those friends, and if I don't remove myself from the situation I might have a break down. So yeah, Friday night is going to be spent with some other girls. Maybe if I stay away from my other friends for a little while they will value our friendship more. It's just hard when people gang up on each other all the time, and that's all we've been doing to each other for the past month. It's so damn stressful and I seriously can't take it anymore. Things are good between us right now, but I just feel like this is the best opportunity to take a break from them. If I'm around them too much I feel like I might start to hate them, and that's something I definitely do not want. Plus, I have some damaged emotions involving my roommate as well. She's a sweet girl but two of my other friends in the hall have become best friends with her and already made plans to live with her junior year. They've only known her for a month so it's kind of frustrating. That's what that angry post was about earlier. Two possible living situations that I thought I had just up and dissappeared, so now I'm practically screwed for next year and it's kind of upsetting. I probably shouldn't have turned into Mega-Bitch 2009 because of it (well turned into that on LJ anyway), but it makes me nervous and upset. Not only that, but my roommate skypes her boyfriend for about 4-5 hours a day. *frustration* And when she's not skyping she is talking to him or other people on the phone. *more frustration* Did I mention that the only time we talk is before we go to bed? So between the roommate and friend issues, I'm burnt out emotionally. Well that and studying non-stop has put a shitload of stress on my back. I wish I could tell everyone that I need a giant ass break from them, but how do you even go about saying that? Instead I think I'll just subtly pull away. If anyone has suggestions for dealing with such a situation -- please provide some...I think I'm about to snap. <3
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| Last Post |
[14 Apr 2009|08:40am] |
= very angry.
I just decided, however, that I don't give a shit anymore. I'm going to take a small leave of abscence from my friends until I can figure things out. By friends i mean the ones in my hall -- NOT YOU GUYS! <3<3<3
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| Wow...fucking FANTASTIC update.. |
[13 Apr 2009|11:00pm] |
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Yeah, I said I had to work on my anger issues.......but....... I just found out that apparently no one considered me in the equation when it came to getting an apartment for junior year, so now I'm all alone and have to go people-hunting. Thanks a fucking lot my supposed-friends.
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| Working on things... |
[13 Apr 2009|10:00pm] |
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mood |
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 accomplished |
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music |
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Rock U - Namie Amuro |
] |
Okay so I realize I broke my promise and haven't written in my journal in a while. However, I realized that I might not be able to write in my journal as much anymore, simply because I forget. Though...I am writing an entry now because some things have occurred that have made me realize a few important facts about myself. I have come to realize that I have the worst self-image problems ever. Sometimes I wake up and just absolutely hate myself. I know a lot of you feel the same way and can relate, but (not to be a bitch) I don't want shared sympathy stories, just support. I know that sounds really harsh but a lot of the time (for me at least) I feel that it's extremely unhelpful when people respond to your problems with problems that they had that were similar. In some instances it's okay cause it helps, but when it comes to self-image I find that the only thing that really helps is support.
So that's what I'm asking everyone for......their support. I've just started a journey to better myself, and I think I can only be truly happy about my self-image when that journey is complete. This journey might take a few months or even a year, but no matter how long it takes, I'm not asking for criticism, just support. I'm at the stage in my life where I need to decide what path is best for me, and I've decided that this path is the best one for me.
I may write more in this journal in the next couple of weeks because I am trying to reach out for this support. I think this journey is not only a journey to benefit myself physically, but I believe it is a journey to benefit myself mentally and emotionally as well. That being said I feel that I have to take tiny steps towards seeing myself in a better light. If you all want to participate in this activity, be my guest, because viewing yourself in a positive light can definitely make any day better. Today's Goal: Naming some things I like about myself...
My Voice: I don't care what anyone else says because when it comes down to it...I love my singing voice. Some may disagree and I know I ask opinions on my voice constantly, but I just don't give a damn anymore. I LOVE my singing voice, and that's all that matters. My Legs: Although this might seem a bit cocky, it sure is a confidence booster so you'll all have to be patient with me. I really do like my legs, they are the one feature that I am most proud about. My Hobbies: I sometimes get embarassed about admitting that I am a total secret asian and that I love video games, J-pop, and a certain Japanese anime (BLEACHHH), but I'm dropping all that embarassment because I totally think these hobbies are way cool. Things I am trying to drop my negative self-image on... My Weight: It's very hard for a girl in this day and age to be over-weight. Don't try and pep talk me and be like "you aren't!" because I know I am. I've recognized the problem, and if people try and help me conceal it, then it only makes things worse. However, at this point in time I am trying to solve the problem (I've lost 15 pounds), and I am happier, but not completely happy. Again all I ask is for your support. My Anger: This isn't necessarily a self-image problem, but it's definitely a problem. I think my anger stems from the above and from some other things, so I'm definitely trying to work it out. Anyway....it feels good to get all of this off my chest. <3 you all. xoxo
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| Late Night Classes are a total bitch... |
[05 Feb 2009|09:25pm] |
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mood |
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awake |
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music |
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Bold & Delicious - Sweetbox |
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Especially when they're business law and they are three hours long...
However I do find the law cases particularly interesting, I just wish the teacher didn't suck so much.
Oh well, at least I'm practically done for the week (my two classes tomorrow are relatively easy).
So far so good guys, on the whole updating the LJ (or El Jay as my dearest Bunny calls it) thing.
Just want everyone to know how much I love them, if I don't say it enough. You all mean so much to me : - ).
Peaceee out homies, if I have more to say, there shall be another post tonight...(I feel like I was meaning to rant about something, but I dont know yet *shrug* it'll come to me later, I'm sure.)
-xoxo Kel
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| Hmm... |
[04 Feb 2009|04:22pm] |
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mood |
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calm |
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music |
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Toi et Moi - Namie Amuro |
] |
No Snow Day today... : - / What's worse...no snow!
Weather.com lies to me frequently and gets immense enjoyment out of doing so.
And according to the same blasphemous site, there won't be snow for a while.
So yeah, kinda bummed about that, it means i actually have to go to classes and such...GRR And I am not the type to skip class so that is essentially out of the question.
Anyway...my mom's birthday is coming up soon, and me thinks the sisters and I are going to get her a gift certificate to the spa.
She's not really the type to go to the spa, so we'll see how it goes, but I don't think she would flat out deny such a pricey gift. Besides she may end up really enjoying it. You never know if you'll like things until you try them. Well okay, unless it is something that you instinctively know you won't like and it turns out that you are right and you hate it. But, THIS, my friends, is not one of those things. My mom is such a wonderful person, so naturally she deserves a wonderful gift. I just hope I can make her proud this semester. However, making her proud involves studying -- which I am currently not doing so that I can type this up...soooo - that being said...
*runs off to do homework*
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| I think Final Fantasy music is the best way to cope.... |
[03 Feb 2009|04:11pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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indescribable |
] |
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music |
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Pompeii - E.S. Posthumus |
] |
It's got its own surreal blend that is nice to listen to and makes you remember the important things in life.
I think I hold Final Fantasy Music in the highest regard...and oh how I wish I was in some way related to Nobuo Uematsu! He is absolutely fantastic in all ways, shapes, and forms.
I think Kat would agree with me on that, hands down. Now onto other things: Fill out your memes whenever you have the time! I promise it'll be fun, and it's a nice way to think about the important stuff (well if you consider the first half of that to be important) I am currently praying for a snow day for tomorrow (we got screwed over on the one for today).......cause hello if it snows tonight there'll be like six inches outside tomorrow. *waves fist at JMU decision making people*
Anyway...now I am off to do homework! Blehhhh
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